You still get to me.
I didn’t think you would because I-we, have come so far from that day. Seven years is nearly a decade. It is true though, time heals. Yet we still have the scars that remind us of the pain, staring licking the wounds. Today is not supposed to be a day on anger. But still. I’m uneasy.
Around this time a year ago, we met. We met back on that same roof in the bazaar. I never really shared it with anyone . A newfound brother recommended guided meditation, it was self-care much needed at the time. As I fell into space watching the earth take deep breaths, I found myself in a field. At the end of that field was that small building where id positioned myself seven years ago. But this time there was silence. No screaming. No blood. No horrific scenes. only Peace.
Sounds of children laughing, turned me around and there you were. But not you alone, joined by those two children, Doc Qi, Sgt. Smith, and lcpl. Kane. We all sat together in a circle atop of that roof. Tears of relief and peace rolled down my cheeks. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt. The universe telling me im at peace and no longer will you bring sadness to my life.
But you do.
Every time someone gets hurt in a movie.
Every time I hear of a suicide bombing.
Every time I hear a woman cry, a heart break.
Every time January 23rd comes around. You’re still there.
I have beaten ptsd, slayed depression, hopelessness And taken control of my life. I fought my way out of hell, where the fight was lonely and long. I no longer fight. I write. Wheres so every set of eyes who read my words and hear our story is shoulder to shoulder with us in trenches.
Now in 201, its been seven years since that day, where i felt ive been haunted by humanity. Its not until now that ive learned the significance of A JOURNEY..... the number seven. In all cultures, myths and legends seven represents...completeness and totality, where humanity connects with the creator. Interesting, right?
SO I TELL YOU THIS: I hope you found your 72 virgins. I hope the families of my brothers have found some type of peace. I hope the mourning mother whom was left childless because of you has brought more lives into this world. because its not all bad: we are living proof. i am living proof.
I’ve learned to trust my struggle. And all things do indeed happen for a reason. Ive learned time heals all wounds but we must give our wounds enough time to heal. i will continue working on being the best man i can be. for the ones we lost, for the ones who still carry hate, above all- for me.